It’s only 14 years past due, but can I still get credit Mr. Schumacher?
Introduction
I was given an assignment in 9th grade. My English teacher sat us all down, and said: “Can I get a show of hands for anyone who hates poetry?” Most of us raised our hands, and he said, (and I’m paraphrasing): “You’re all full of shit. You love poetry, and you just don’t know it.” Yeah, I know that’s not exactly what he said, but shut up, I feel like telling the story that way.
He went on to explain that anybody who’s anybody likes music, and music is nothing but poetry. He gave us an assignment, with these instructions. Find a song that means a lot to you, play it for us, give us the lyrics, explain the song’s meaning, and then explain what that song has to do with you… Why does it affect you? Why do you like that song?
Little did I know that this assignment would change my outlook towards music forever.
Unfortunately, like an idiot, I chose “Stan” by Eminem. Shut up, I didn’t know the awesome beauty of metal yet. I wouldn’t go on to discover my Korn way of life for another 2-2.5 years.
This was the first time I’d ever heard Linkin Park, and was introduced to a genre of metal that was rap rock. I was all about rap at the time, and I thought it was cool to hear rock used with it.
Also, I was still reeling from the awesome effects and music from the Matrix, so my tastes were changing.
After that assignment, I moved to metal, and never looked back. Disturbed was my band after that day, before Korn took the top.
Anyway, I feel the time has come to redeem myself for my horrible choice, and I wanted to choose a song that still affects me to this day. It’s a song by Korn called Daddy. I didn’t know of this song yet, and even if I did, I couldn’t use it for its harsh content. The school wouldn’t allow it.
But now, I have a blog, and I can do whatever the hell I want!
The Song, And The Lyrics
Here are the lyrics, so you can follow along. Mind you, Korn has never released any official lyrics, so this is my interpretation of what I think he’s saying.
Intro
Mother
Please forgive me
I just had to get out
All my pain and suffering
Now that I
Am done
Remember I will always love you
I’m your… son…
Verse 1
Little child
Lookin’ so pretty
Come out and play
I’ll be your daddy
Innocent child
Lookin’ so sweet
I rape your mind
And now your flesh I reap
Chorus
You raped! (I feel dirty)
It hurt! (as a child)
Tied down! (that’s a good boy)
And fucked! (your own child!)
I scream! (no one hears me)
It hurt! (I’m not a liar)
My God! (saw you watch)
Mommy why!? (your own child)
Verse 2
Little child
Lookin’ so pretty
Come out and play
I’ll be your daddy
Chorus
You raped! (I feel dirty)
It hurt! (as a child)
Tied down! (that’s a good boy)
And fucked! (your own child!)
I scream! (no one hears me)
It hurt! (I’m not a liar)
My God! (saw you watch)
Mommy why!?
It’s alright!
Bridge
You raped, I feel dirty
It hurt, as a child
Tied down, that’s a good boy
And fucked, your own child
I weep, no one hears me
It hurt, as a child
Tied down, no one hears me
And raped, your own child
I scream, no one hears me (Mommy!)
It hurt, as a child
Tied down, that’s a good boy (Mommy!)
And fucked, your own child
I scream, no one hears me
It hurt, as a child (Mommy!)
Tied down, no one hears me
Mommy why, your own child
I didn’t touch you there! Mommy said she didn’t care! I didn’t touch you there! That’s when mommy stopped and stared!
Verse 3
Little child
Lookin’ so sweet
I rape your mind
And now your flesh I reap
Chorus
You raped! (I feel dirty)
It hurt! (as a child)
Tied down! (that’s a good boy)
And fucked! (your own child!)
I scream! (no one hears me)
It hurt! (I’m not a liar)
My God! (saw you watch)
Mommy why!? (your own child)
You raped! (I feel dirty)
It hurt! (not a liar)
My God! (saw you watch)
Daddy why!? (your own child)
I scream! (no one hears me)
It hurt! (I’m not a liar)
My God! (saw you watch)
Mommy why!? (your own child)
You raped! (I feel dirty)
It hurt! (not a liar)
My God! (saw you watch)
Mommy why!? (your own child)
I scream! (no one hears me)
It hurt! (I’m not a liar)
My God! (saw you watch)
Mommy why!?
Outtro
(incomprehensible swearing)
I fucking hate you
You fuckin-
You motherfucker!
I fucking hate you!
Fuck you!
You son of a bitch!
You fucking ruined my life!
I wanted to die!
I hate you motherfucker!
(weeping)
I hate you!
I fucking hate you!
Mommy I hate you!
Piece of shit!
Mommy! Mommy!
(hysterical screaming)
Outtro Part 2
When I awake I’ll see your face
When I awake, I’ll see your light
When I awake I’ll see your face
When I awake, I’ll see your light
Mother awake me, from my dream
Mother awake me, in the night
(incoherent)
When I awake I’ll see your face
When I awake, I’ll see your light
When I awake I’ll see your face
When I awake, I’ll see your light
Mother awake me, from my dream
Mother awake me, in the night
Song Meaning Explanation
Whoa. You know, there’s a lot of shit going on in this song, so let’s tackle this piece by piece.
Alright, first, yes, this really happened to the singer here. He was raped and molested as a child. But, as many of you are probably guessing, it was not, in fact, by his father. It was by a neighbor, and a woman at that (who has since passed away). The story is that when Jonathan (the singer) told his parents that he was being abused, they called him a liar, and didn’t believe him at all. Jon says he thinks they didn’t want to believe it was happening to their son.
That’s the story in brief, but this song tells the story in raw, graphic, and twistedly honest detail.
As a side note, the most interesting fact that most people don’t seem to know is that the majority of pedophiles are actually women. In fact, usually it’s a pretty beautiful woman. The true face of pedophiles is actually that of the hot model teacher. Look it up… it’s rather bewildering.
Mother
It mainly focuses on his mother. Think about what mother means to you. She gave you life, and protected you. Mother is where you know you can always go for sanctuary. A child in their mother’s arms… feeling safe, loved, and protected.
But that’s not what happened here, is it? Mother was there, but she wasn’t the safe sanctuary that she needed to be. Mother was poison. When something so damaging… so horrible… so absolutely devastating happens to Jon… you’d think the one place he could go was his mother… But his mother turned him away. How fucked up is that? Mother’s there for scraped knees and bruised elbows… but something this serious? Nope. Not that therapy wouldn’t have been required either way, but shit, at the very least… this boy had been raped and molested, and it’s difficult to admit it openly… And here he is, summoning the courage to finally say it… to say it to the one person who could help… expecting to fall into his mothers arms, crying… but no. Instead, he was met with coldness and apathy.
The opening intro of the song explains this in a sick way. Even though his mother did this horrible thing to him, he still loves her, and asks for forgiveness before he retells, no, relives this story. Even at the end of the intro, he says he’ll always love her… he’s her son. That’s what sons do… Sons always love their mothers, but this lyric is actually a double-meaning. Not only are sons supposed to love their mothers… but mothers are supposed to love their sons. The subtle meaning here being I love you, even if you don’t love me, you know, the way a mother should. He sings the word “son” almost in a hesitant question… I am your son, aren’t I?
Throughout most of the song, he’s demanding an answer from her. Mommy why? Your own child! Why? How could you do this to your own child?
Even during the bridge as he’s repeating the chorus in low whispered pitches, you can hear him screaming out. A little boy in an extremely dark, dangerous, and painful place, knowing no way out… and as all little boys do, he cries for his mother. This horrible thing is happening… Mother… Save me. Make it stop, mother.
The outtro of the song further pushes this point. As Jon is heard weeping (I envision him with his face in his arms), you hear a woman with a gentle voice singing a lullaby. Suddenly the image is that of a child, crying in their mother’s arms, as she rocks him and sings him a lullaby to make him feel safe… But then the low-tuned guitars and drums pick up, overlaying this lullaby, bringing about the metaphor of poison, or deception. Evil. Do you hear this? Your mother wasn’t there. You weren’t getting that moment of release. Your mother is destructive… any consolation from her is, and always has been, false, and you were a fool to accept it to begin with. It’s as though you’re being cuddled by Satan.
Predator
The lyrics give the insight of the predatory nature of pedophiles. Jon’s voice goes low and dark to express such wicked intent on such an innocent being. It’s like a lion stalking its prey. I found the lyric “I rape your mind, and now your flesh I reap” interesting. I think truly it is the mind that is destroyed moreso than the body in a case of rape. This predator has already infected your mind to make you do what you’re doing… and now they’ve got a source where they can feed their sickness. Your flesh I reap… It’s as though they’re now taking what’s theirs, forcefully.
One of the lines in the chorus also stands out here… That’s a good boy. He’s been tied down, and forced to endure this torture… and the predator rapes his mind further by saying “that’s a good boy.” Children always need reassurance that what they’re doing is right. Here, the child is being reassured that what they’re doing is right, even though they both know it’s very very wrong. How sick is that? It’s a look at the actual abuse itself, while it’s happening.
Later on in the song, after the last chorus refrain (by this point, Jon’s breaking down into tears and can barely keep it together to even sing this part), the song seems to come to a close… but then starts back up again. I found this extremely chilling. This seems to be the climactic moment of the song… The part where the abuse should have ended… but mommy said she didn’t care. The music continues… metaphorically expressing that the abuse continued. After mustering up the courage to finally tell the one person who should’ve cared… it changed absolutely nothing. Nice try, little boy. Your attempts to stop it all ended in failure, and now you’re trapped, stuck in this neverending cycle of excruciating torture.
Dual Nature
The chorus is of a dual nature. It’s as though you hear both the adult form and the inner child screaming together. You raped! It hurt! Tied down! And fucked! That to me is the adult form of Jon… the part that has his mother gripped by the shoulders, screaming it into her face so she can’t look away… She won’t hide from her sins this time. The other parts… I feel dirty, as a child, that’s a good boy, your own child… those pieces are that of Jonathan’s inner child. The child whose innocence was spoiled. Many of those child lyrics sound exactly like what a child would say or feel. This again further emphasizes the bond between mother and child. Can you hear your child’s screams? Can you hear the damage that’s being done now? Mommy why? Your own child… Your. Own. Child. You hear it now…
Jonathan’s Voice
While many successful vocalists can state that Jon’s vocals in this song are not very good (at times it’s almost impossible to understand what he’s saying even), I heard something else in his vocals. This wasn’t a song. This was a confession. This was Jon reliving the absolute worst moment of his life, and it just happened to be within a song. He’s not trying to sing verses and sell an album – he’s trying to get something off of his chest. By the sound of his voice alone, you can feel the struggle he went through. You can feel all of it… the betrayal by his mother, the sick mind of his predator, and the pain suffered.
On the last refrain of the chorus, he can’t even keep it together anymore. Tears literally start pouring out of his face, and he’s trying so hard… so very very hard to keep it together and just finish this last refrain.
After the last refrain, he’s reached the point of being absolutely inconsolable… hysterically crying and screaming his feelings.
Lyrics And Word Choice
The lyrics he chose were sick, but it was the way he chose to voice those lyrics that made this song so powerful. And fucked your own child. This wasn’t a weak excuse to cuss… think about word choice here. How many other ways can we say this? And had sex with your own child… and copulated with your own child, and molested your own child, and sodomized your own child… no. The word fucked here is a blunt hit to the face. There’s no soft language here to mask the truth of what happened… no, they fucked your child. Fucked them! Fucked! This word sounds a lot more violent, and a lot more realistic to the situation. It’s an intense word, forcing his mother to realize what has happened. This wasn’t an incident of some inappropriate touchy-feely… no… they fucked your child!
And even then, the word fucked has 2 meanings. The literal meaning of sex, but also the alternate meaning of destroyed. This predator has destroyed the innocence of this child. This child is fucked up for life now. He’s damaged… and now that mother has expressed indifference… my god… how much more damage will this child suffer?
Continuing with the theme of the inner child screaming out, note that a lot of these lyrics are repeated. Children tend to continually repeat the same thing over and over. It’s as though what they feel won’t go away… they just keep repeating it over and over. This repetition also serves two purposes. On one hand, it continually drives the point home, and each time it’s repeated, it further intensifies the meaning. And on the other hand, the repetition is an allegory for how much and how long this child has suffered. The abuse continually happened. The repetition of the predator in the verses is clear here as well, showing that this predator preyed on this boy many times… each time with the same intention. Perhaps even literally saying the same thing each time… Once again, children are receptive to repetition. So we’ve got a child repeating themself, and an adult repeating wicked ideas to a child, and a now grown child repeating the details of the abuse to their mother, demanding an answer.
What Does This Song Have To Do With Me
I’m very fortunate to have never been molested or raped as a child. This song to me is a small piece… just a small inkling, of what it must be like to be raped, especially as a child.
This is actually one of the few Korn songs I never related to… But this was the song that made me love Korn, and never look back again. This was the song that seated Korn as my favorite band for all time.
I had never heard a singer do any of this before. He felt every single word he vocalized. He was so passionately engaged in this song… reliving this horrible moment, that he was literally in tears by the end. How many other singers do you know have ever done this before? I’d never heard it, and even today I’ve never heard a singer do it since.
I appreciated the level of detail Jon went into for this song. I was in tears myself by the end of it, because I felt so bad for him. I wanted to reach out and comfort him. I’d never truly be able to understand his pain, but I wanted to do something.
Every early Korn song was like this though. The vocal style used wasn’t that of stylish poppy vocals that would sell well on the radio. The music here was dark, and hard-hitting… and Jon’s choice in songs to write about were, as I said before, a confession. He sugar-coated nothing, and never obfuscated anything in metaphor like so many other bands do. It was real, right in your face, and right in the face of the evil that caused it.
The fact that Jon was crying and bawling by the end captivated me. To me he had every reason to be in that emotional state. So many other bands whine about their daddy not loving them enough, or how they feel so outcast… This song to me said these other emo nu metal assholes have nothing to whine about. How many of you can say that you’ve been raped and destroyed, and nobody gave a shit nor lifted a finger to do anything about it? The only time Jon’s ever truly broken down like that is in this song (he sort of broke down again many years later in the song “Holding All These Lies”, but that to me sounded forced). And you know what? If there’s any moment where you should have full freedom from judgment to break down like that, this moment is it. Jon, you deserve that moment. Nobody should dare comment on weakness in the face of that situation. Let’s see how well you would handle such a thing happening to you, assholes!
These Korn songs described everything going on in my life. Not just lyrically, but emotionally. The passion behind Jon’s vocals expressed the feeling behind the lyrics more than the lyrics themselves could have ever done. This is what keeps me a fan of Korn’s forever.
I hardly ever listen to this song, because every time I get tears in my eyes. Nobody should have to go through that. Moreover, nobody should dare turn their back on a child in such a situation.
What This Song Does For Others
I’ve read many stories about other people who were abused as children, and upon hearing this song they felt like a great weight had been lifted. This is the first time anyone had been so up front and honest about it, not to mention so detailed about it.
Most people don’t want to talk about horrible things like this, and more still are afraid to tell anyone about it while it’s happening. This song gave many people the strength to stand up and say something, as well as deal with the pain it caused. When you have such a horrible moment looming over your head like that, you want to die. So many letters have been sent in to Korn about how this song stopped people from killing themselves. It stands as a testament.
Perhaps even if this kind of music isn’t your style, you too will walk away from it feeling something. I know, the music itself isn’t all that great, and the vocal melody is absolutely atrocious… but it’s the feeling in Jon’s voice that gave this song any power to begin with.