We’re all responsible for our own actions. And as explained before, you don’t need to be a slave to social acceptance. And yet, whether you want to believe it or not, the company you keep will influence you.
Here I’d like to share some stories of myself, as well as some people I know. Truly, you are a product of your environment. You’re still you, but some of your decisions are based around what you’re used to.
A good example is your company’s culture. If most of the people you work with cuss, smoke, and complain about everything around them, you kinda start picking up those habits yourself. Before you know it, you’re cussing like a sailor and you’re never happy with anything because it always sucks.
I know someone who was a heroin addict, and recently has become one again. She got herself clean, and embraced all positive things around her… But, her mother’s an alcoholic, her stepfather is a member of a rock band (constantly partying), her aunts are drug addicts, and even one of her aunts is, herself, a heroin addict. Her friends are all party animals, getting drunk, high, and laid every chance they get.
It didn’t take long for her to get back into her old habits again… and last I heard she was whoring herself out for money to afford her drugs and her teeth were falling out.
How is this possible? She was clean… she was about to start a new life…
I believe the company she kept influenced her current decisions… Not peer pressure or anything like that, but something about being around that kind of environment makes you slip. Suddenly you start rationalizing that it’s not so bad…
Here’s a story about me. I had a friend named Alex. He and I got along pretty well, but had a falling out while he was my roommate. Long story short, he didn’t think he owed me for 3 months of unpaid rent, nor felt the need to get caught up on it. We haven’t spoken since.
After a while of reflecting, I realized that he was not the kind of company I needed to keep. He never challenged me to be a better person, and if anything, he tried to keep me at his level and stop me from growing as a person. What I needed was someone to motivate and inspire me, and he did neither of those things. I realized that the only reason he kept me as a friend at all was because I was safe and stable. He wanted to be with the popular people, and be as pretentious as possible to get in. When that unavoidably failed, he’d fall back on me as his safety net.
I realized that he wasn’t actually healthy for me to keep around, and perhaps us not talking was for the better.
There’s a saying… when you lie with dogs, you get up with fleas. I can remember times in my life where I realized I was not healthy in the crowd I was in. One girlfriend I had was a serious pothead. She brought me to some really scary places for her drug deals, and most of her friends were futureless junkies. After breaking up with her and reflecting, I’m glad I got away. I could have become one of them… thankfully, I continued my education and became successful. Things that neither she nor any of her friends would ever do because they were too busy partying and getting high.
It’s my philosophy that if you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse. You cannot stay the same. Just like a diet and exercise regime… If you keep at it, you’ll get healthier, but if you slip, you start developing bad habits while your health deteriorates.
It can be hard to look at your situation and see the crowd of people you’re in as being unhealthy for you. These are very nice people, and you’ve formed very strong bonds with them. You probably think of some of them as brothers or sisters. But the one point of contention that you need to realize is: they’re holding you back. I’m not saying burn bridges or never talk to them again. What I am saying is to focus on yourself, and making your life better.
Partying all the time and taking drugs doesn’t get you anywhere. You become complacent, and your health and mind deteriorate. Focus on your future. “Living like there’s no tomorrow” means having nothing to live for.
You may find that you really are stuck where you are, and you may actually start realizing that the company you keep is never going to change or get better. Don’t let that discourage you. Just because they can’t better themselves doesn’t mean you can’t.
But beware… they’ll do everything in their power to drag you back down. I’ve heard stories from people who talk about their old friends… “What, you think you’re better than us now?” In a sense, you are. You were able to better yourself while they stayed the same. They have just as much opportunity as you do, and they’re not taking it. They don’t want to better themselves, and would rather resort to bullying to get you back down to their level. Their true nature is revealed, in case you had any doubts. If their destructive presence wasn’t apparent before, it certainly is now. But don’t get discouraged. It’s sad, and it’s very hard, but at some point you’ll need to shut the door on that part of your life. Soon you’ll find people that motivate and inspire you. And maybe a small number of that old crowd will take after the example you’ve set for them.
The overarching lesson here is to recognize when the situation you’re in is destructive, and to start making steps towards bettering yourself. If you have to lose a few friends or family to get that done, then so be it. True friends and a supportive family would be backing you in this move, so if they’re not, perhaps they’re not the company you need to be keeping in the first place. Find better friends, and keep a better selection of family.
They say you can’t pick your family, but in my experience, I have absolutely unlimited power in choosing who to exclude from my family. It’s your life. And once again, you’ve got your own conscience to answer to at the end of the day. Are you satisfied with where you are?